Vayda,

I love you so much, I hope you know that. I wanted you more than anything and it hurts so bad not to have you here with me. My heart more than just hurts, my soul aches for you. I love you with all that I am, and I am so PROUD that I was chosen to be your mother. I feel you with me wherever I go, and I can only hope you feel the same. I dreamt of you so long ago, when I was just a little girl. I knew then that the most important thing I would do in my life was be a mom. I have so much love for you and even though you are not here I hope you feel that.  I miss you more than anything, and I can't wait until the day I can hold you again. Before you were born I would try to picture us together, sharing that mother and daughter bond that could never be broken. I looked forward to kissing your pain away when you fell, going to the mall to get your ears pierced, doing your hair in the mornings, talking to you about boys, being a shoulder to cry on, taking you shopping for clothes, dancing in the kitchen to your favorite songs, and even the harder times when you would have slammed your door because your were mad. I hope we still get a chance to do those things. I want you to know that even though you are not here, you are very much a part of our lives. We talk about you daily, your picture hangs on the wall, and every night we send you kisses. Sometimes I can still feel you moving inside of me, and I find myself swaying from side to side as if I'm rocking you to sleep. Maybe that's when you are close, and somehow I can sense that you're near. Sometimes I have an overwelming feeling like you need me, maybe it's because I need you. I hope you are happy, laughing, singing and playing with your friends. I know that your safe up in heaven with your Aunt Sheila and Grandma Helen. Your Aunt Sheila is nothing short of amazing, and I know she is giving you all the love you deserve. Some nights I look up at the stars and I find the brightest one, there you are, saying "Mommy, I love you". I hope you can hear me when I talk right back. Mommy loves you more than any words can say. Even though you are not here there is a bond between us that will never be broken. I look at your crib that I can't take down, so pretty just waiting to be used. I can't understand why you had to go, but I know someday I will. God has a purpose, and I trust in that, even though I have so much pain and saddness. I know that when I go to bed at night and dream, I must be spending time with you, because almost every morning I awake with a feeling of utter joy, like I was somehow whole again for a little while.A feeling that could only come from you. I then look up at your crib and remember that you are gone and a saddness comes over me again almost like I was learning of your passing for the first time again. My dear angel if you ever need me, I'm here just call my name and I will hold you for as long as you need me. I know that one day I will smile more than cry when I think of you. I will never let you go for you are always in my soul. I love you so much and this is not goodbye, I will talk to you every night until the day I join you up there in heaven.

Love your mommy

My child did exist:

I've lost a child, I hear myself say,

and the person I'm talking to just turns away.

Now why did I tell them, I don't understand

it wasn't for sympathy or to get a helping hand.

I just wanted them to know I've lost something dear.

I want them to know that my child was here.

My child left something behind which no one can see.

My child made just one person into a family.

So, if I've upset you, I'm sorry as can be.

You'll have to forgive me, I could not resist.

I just want you to know my child did exist.

Auther: Unknown

              Thank you so much for visiting Vayda's website it means so much to us.

Make sure to look at all of her pages at the top.

Be sure to sign Vayda's Guestbook!